Mark Lamster | Essays

If the Wire Cast Was a Football Team

The Baltimore Ravens look pretty formidable going into the AFC Championship game, but I wonder if this squad from Charm City could give them a run for their money. The offense looks a bit sketchy, but the defensive unit is stacked with stone-cold killers. You wouldn't want to be a receiver going over the middle against that secondary, that's for sure.

Front Office

Owner: Odell Watkins, GM: Tommy Carcetti, Head Coach: Cedric Daniels, Offensive Coordinator: Lester Freamon Defensive, Coordinator: Bill Rawls

Offensive Unit

QB: Gus Haynes, RB: Jimmy McNulty, FB: Thomas Hauk, C: Jay Landsman, RG: Bunk Moreland, RT: Bunny Colvin, LG: Ervin Burrell, LT: Butchie, TE: Kenneth Dozerman, WR: Leander Sydnor, WR: Ellis Carver, Alternate WR: Kima Greggs

Defensive Unit

DT: Stringer Bell, DT: Prop Joe Stewart, DT: Frank Sabotka, OLB: Cutty Wise, OLB: Chris Partlow, MLB: Wee-Bey Brice, MLB: Cheese Wagstaff, S: Avon Barksdale, S: Marlo Stanfield, DB: Slim Charles, DB: Bodie Broadus Nickel, DB: Snoop Pearson 

Special Teams

Return specialist: Omar Little, Punter: Clarence Royce, Kicker: Ziggy Sabotka

Supporting staff

Equipment manager: Bubbles, Medical supplies: The Greek Cheer, squad: Beadie Russell, Rhonda Pearlman, Fan club president: Roland Pryzbylewski Player agents: Maurice Levy, Clay Davis

Posted in: Arts + Culture, Media

Comments [4]

I'd move Dozerman to the D-line. You need his unbottled rage going after the QB. Would sign on Brother Mouzone to coach Special Teams.

For some reason i thought the cops should be on O, the street on D. But I think Mouzone for special teams coach works.

Yeah, create the role of Team President and move Carcetti into it. Move Daniels to GM. Move Freemon to head coach. And make Brother Mouzone defensive coordinator. Gotta fit Mouzone in there somewhere. Cheese is too soft to be MLB. Replace him with Sergei. That'd be a killer D. I would move Greggs to WR, move Sydnor to RB and McNulty to QB. Might as well add Michael Lee as alt return specialist.

Oh, and make Gus referee!

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